Skip if you want to but oh, I was angry while writing. You might miss out some spice.

Hello to anyone who's reading.

Let me make this clear, this blog is my complain box. I whine about literally everything here because I can't talk to anyone in reality and I don't want to end up doing something regretful.

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I never really thought that any power in the world can change the kind of person I am. I always associated  myself with sunshine and rainbows, which would anyone around me laugh aloud because I'm a pure blooded introvert, and no that's not the reason. In fact, I do so because I am the kind of person who's erupt into a loud , roaring laughter nowhere in the middle of a pin drop silence or may be stand in front to help out others but, this dreadful b*tch of a son corona virus pandemic messed up my life for worse.

While staying at home, I come across around 10 reasons per day abut home big of a liability i have proved to become in merely 18 years of existence. Even while knowing that my entire life is waiting for me ahead, I demoralize myself a hundred times a day. 

This is not it, though. I have other issues as well, for instance how vague my upcoming blogposts are going to be, or like how I'm never going to enter this page in future or maybe how the quarantine period which has proven to be a time to grow closer to one's family has contributed absolutely nothing other than a huge wedge between mine.

Talking about myself, I am a huge Hypocrite to be fair, I preach so much about mental health while having mine on the edge of flipping. It's like I don't even know who I am or what I have become. I'd give my friends some advice while, in realty I need some the most. 

My mom and dad fight all the time, really like always but if it's me who made any mistake, they fight with me, together. It's not like I am a whinny kid. Heck, I never even asked for a chocolate on my own freaking birthday. The only things that can make me run after them are a bunch of books and some good food, that's it. But still, no body really gets me. Not even my parents who ask me to approach them every single time anything goes wrong.

But the truth is that I don't even wanna fight. I don't want to fight a damn person. Neither do I want any one to look after me or protect me from anything. I'd stand for myself like I did, when some stupid jerk hit me at school and I gave him a beating of a lifetime in front of my so-called bestfriends who were laughing as I was hit. 

Thousands of time I had convinced myself that it might be because I am an Aquarius, lmao. They are weird people and they aren't understood easily but I really can't put through it every damned time. Taken, I make one heck of excuses but they can't really convince me, you know.

I am expected to always stay calm, laugh things off like I always do and forgive people without keeping any grudges. My little sister expects me to keep doing her homework (You must be thinking I'm whining like a kindergarten kid) and take every sort of insult she throws at me as a joke because when I do the same with her, she doesn't talks me for days. When I am sad, or feeling low, I am not allowed to because I had always been the 'happy-kid'. I have to swallow the pill.

But what they don't know and I realised not long ago is that, I've grown to become passive aggressive which fueled my rage over ten times and I get ready to hit myself and blame myself for everything.

I just hope, like everybody says, it's a phase, it will pass. 

And I will let it go.